“It’s a great vacation spot but I would never wanna live there.”
I heard this over and over from several bimbos my last year of school when I told them I had decided to move to LA post-graduation. I used to think it was an excuse people made for the fear of making the move. Why else wouldn’t someone want to escape from the bowels of Tennessee to live in the Governator’s land, tanning up on a beach somewhere while eating mangos off of a dolphins face?
And then I made the move myself. 2000 tiresome miles and a crushed bank account. Retaking a drivers test I still had PTSD from the first time around. Driving in bumper to bumper traffic just to get from my living room to my kitchen. I thought, “shoot, maybe I’m the bimbo…”
Fall came around and social media was nothing but pretty leaves from back home and friends doing fun things in big coats. You know, classic Instagram stuff. I was so ready to take a vacation from the vacationland I inhabited.
I went back home for X-mas (we practice satanism) with a newfound love for my southern homeland. People were so much nicer than I remembered. And chattier. And…open about their thoughts on interracial marriage, and which methods of public shaming are appropriate for such matters. Also, if you don’t believe dinosaur skeletons are the devil’s play toys, throw yo hands in the air! No? Ok.
What I’m getting at is I could move into the Doge’s Palace, be carried around on a bed of the finest Beanie Babies, have a room filled with golden retriever puppies, and still have the mind to say,”huh, the food here’s alright, but I think one time I went to Chuck E Cheese when I was a toddler and the pizza was to die for.”
I’m a grass is greener toolbag. I knit pick. If I were an X-Men, my power would be being a big wanker. My friend Stephanie once interrupted one of my bitch fests by saying “look, you’ll never regret moving.” I think a lot of the reason I am as wankerish as I am is because I’m always imagining my current state as my final destination. I’m always preoccupied with quandaries of how my current situation will affect my future. Thinking long term, the idea of ever owning property in LA makes me wanna put my hand in a blender. But when I was in TN, the suburban family life style seemed derivative of the Saw movies.
The Stephanie statement keeps me relieved of the future just enough to focus on the cool stuff here in the present. Everywhere kinda sucks when you look at it from a shallow future mindset. But if you put time into connecting to a place long enough, you find intricacies that make you happy and can lead to an amazing life. Bottom line is Steph was right. I love that I moved out here. I found a great job here in Cali that I wouldn’t have found in TN, I have enough close friends to keep me sane, and dammit if I haven’t come to love not having to scrape ice off my windshield! That said, Tennessee is still great too. And it’s waiting for me if I ever wanna go back.
Wherever you are, give it a few years. Don’t get hung up on the long term. If it still sucks after a while, then move somewhere else, ya dummy! Maybe you can hitch a ride on the Mars One mission.